a letter to my baby on the anniversary of your due date

Dear Bodhi,

What a year we have had my beautiful boy! You turn one in just a few days. At this time last year, I was still only imagining what you might be like and eagerly awaiting your arrival. Today is the anniversary of our due date. We expected you today and you made us wait. It was worth it. You have changed our lives in ways we never imagined.

You make me stop and enjoy little details in life like teeny tiny pieces of white paper you find on the floor or nice people who say hello back when you greet them with your cheerful “HI” everywhere we go or every dog that passes by our house or the sounds that cows make or ducks make. These things are beautiful and fresh and new in your eyes and so they are fresh and new in my eyes too.

You force me to live in the moment because multitasking with a perfect little person by my side is just a waste of time. You remind me of what is important all the time. And let me tell you, little man, there are some things that simply don’t matter or that you just have to do in order to get the time you need with those you love. For me, it’s all about you and daddy.

Last night as I rocked you to sleep, I rested my face on your soft perfect little head. I love the smell of your hair after bathtime… it’s pure sweetness and marshmallows and comfort. You are the only one in the world that keeps me captivated and peaceful at the same time.

Holding you as you drift into sweet dreams is the perfect place. It’s my safe place. My peaceful place. My zen place. I simply breathe and smell your hair and observe your soft milky lips and touch your adorable little fingers and listen to your deep soft breathing. In the warmth of your nursery, I think of nothing else. Life’s worries stay away.

I found a tiny newborn diaper when we moved and find myself in tears each time I look at it. How did you grow so quickly? Why couldn’t time have stood still a bit longer? And then I am grateful that you are growing and developing and learning. You are thriving right now, my little one.

You walk and try to run. You sing and love to dance with me and daddy and sometimes Grammy. We all march around the house to make you laugh. We act like choo choo trains passing in the night as we run around and around the house together chanting “chug-a-chug-a-chug-a-chug-a… CHOO CHOO!” You laugh and smile and cheerfully shout with us.

You love food. Every kind of food. You’ve tried more varieties of food than most adults. You’ve had amaranth. I’m not sure I even know what it is. Tofu is your favorite, but you also love bananas, kiwi, mango, hummus, black beans, brown rice and sweet potatoes. So far, there hasn’t been a food you won’t eat. We’ll see if that all changes next week when you try straight sugar for the first time.

I’ve spent so much time planning for your birthday. I know I’m really putting the effort in for myself. You’ll just be happy with some delicious food and time with your Appa (grandpa), Aththa (grandma) and Grammy. Everything else is just a bonus. Your birthday, the day you were born, is and was the second most important day of my entire life! The most important day, as you have taught me, is today.

I love you my sweet boy. We will celebrate your 1st birthday on Saturday, April 28 and I will probably cry at 12:26 p.m., the time you were born. You see, I never understood why my mom and her mom always focused on the time I was born. I understand now.

It is the moment in time that changed our lives. It is the moment our hearts changed forever. It is the moment your dad and I cried with relief and excitement and love and overwhelming joy.  It is the moment you entered our world and two became three. More to come dear boy. Happy anniversary of your due date and happy birthday week to my darling little man.

Love, Mama